autonomous birth: prenatal care

during my prenatal visits,
both at the hospital and the clinic,
i’d take notes of what was going on,
mostly because i didn’t want to trust my memory,
and secondly because of the language barrier,
i just wanted to document what was going on
i my own comforting language.
here are some notes from a couple few prenatal care visits
late in the game:

may.6.2009
had a non-stress fetal test today,
upstairs, maybe where women give birth.
another reason i want to give birth at home:
all that noise
then when the baby moves the heartbeat goes away
i’d probably be wondering if there something wrong.
plus there was another bed in the room
with only an orange curtain separating.
afterward went back downstairs
to see dr. Oz
so she could tell me the test went fine.
she used her trusty ultrasound for the umpteenth time
to verify that the baby’s head was down,
that it measured at 37 weeks and 3 days,
and weighed about 2700 grams
– small she called it –
though she remarked at the size of my belly
when she first saw it.

one thing i really miss about the birthcare midwives,
is that after examining my belly,
they would lend me a hand to help me sit up,
instead of just leaving the room
and attending to their own business
while i struggle up to a sitting position
and try to remove the paper towels they’ve tucked into my pants
to prevent the jelly from getting on them.
i miss that small kindness.

and then cleaning that jelly off my belly
is like wiping the opposite side of a globe.
a little help would be nice.

may.13.2009
being back at the hospital so soon
is not an experience i’d request.
had another non-stress test.
and a surprise vaginal exam
to see how dilated i was.
a nurse — i guess — took me in a room
with a chair with the dreaded stirrups.

– since all the OB ever uses is the sonogram machine
i was hoping i would escape a vaginal exam.
on the way out after a regular sonogram
i saw the sink next to the door
full of metal speculums.
gross!
i’m all for recycling,
but i think i’d want a plastic one,
fresh out of the sterile packing. –

anyway, i couldn’t understand what she was saying
so she asked a man who was standing outside
to come in an tell me, “please sit down.”
i know she said more than that to me in turkish,
but, oh well.
i was dilated 1 cm, my OB later told me.
come back in a week.
she gave the slip of paper with her stamp on it
so next week i could just go straight to get another NST.
gee, thanks.

may.15.2009
i got a call from ishaq saying that a couple of the teacher’s wives
were going to come by.
i was mildly annoyed because they’d be interrupting a homeschool day,
especially since we wouldn’t be homeschooling for a while after baby.
in one of the phone conversations before the wives arrived
something came up about there might be a fine for giving birth at home.
don’t know where that come from cause i told no one about my plans.
in any case, i was on alert.

when the wives arrived
they came with a couple of the midwives/nurses
from the local clinic.
they tried to communicate, but we didn’t make much progress.
husbands were called
and ishaq and his trusty interpreter/co-worker arrived from the school.
apparently the midwives came by because they hadn’t seen me in a while
and thought that i might have given birth already.
i was “requested” to come report to them the OB’s comments after visit.
they checked my blood pressure and for swelling,
and had the nerve to call me “zayıf”
– looked it up and it can mean weak, thin, frail or scrawny —
also told me baby “must” drink mother’s milk after 72 hours (duh!)
and get blood test (heel stick) at local clinic four days after birth
regardless of test at private hospital.
during one point in the visit,
one of the wives indeed asked me if i wanted to deliver at home.
i answered her question
by with a redirection pointing out that i’ve been receiving regular prenatal care,
and i showed them my test various test results from the OB,
updated them on the “official” due date,
and then the midwives
– notes duly taken –
and the wives
– don’t know why they were there –
left with me feeling i like my privacy had been totally invaded
and that i could trust no one but my husband.
i felt like waving my US passport and singing
“i’m proud to be an american” with a country western accent.

may.21.2009
another vaginal exam, this time, and a first, by the OB;
dilated 2 cm.
baby is about 3245 grams,
with an estimated gestational age of 39 weeks and 4 days.
that’s modern technology for you.
had a “bad” non-stress test,
a waist of 20 or more minutes while ishaq frustratingly managed the girls.
during the first non-stress test,
four different nurses came to check on the progress.
i thought: is this how it’ll be during labor?
so, i had to have another non-stress test which lasted even longer.
the second non-stress test was “better” because i had more contractions.
i think i had more contractions cause i had to pee,
but they kept telling me sonra (later).
they kept asking me if i was hungry
and gave me a sugar cube.
again i thought: is that all i’d be allowed to eat during labor?”
this tells you how much i trusted them:
thinking that the sugar cube was laced with pitocin
or something else to induce me,
i kept it between my cheek and teeth
and immediately spit it out after they left.
after we went back and showed dr. Oz
the results from the newest non-stress test.
the visit ended when she gave me a slip of paper saying
to come monday at 7:30 a.m. to be induced.
i was pretty much speechless at the thought and just said, “OK.”
i cried in the car on the way home,
confiding in Allah what He already knew:
yaAllah! i don’t want to get induced,
but whatever path You put me on,
please make me happy with it
cause i know You will not give me more than i can bear.
ameen.

may.22.2009
the friday before the monday
my OB told us to come to get induced at 7:30AM
– scheduling an appointment to have a baby seems totally bizarre
to my whole mindset about giving birth –
ishaq called her via an interpreter and told her we didn’t want to get induced.
she said if we didn’t come to the hospital
then she would no longer be responsible,
that the amniotic fluid was low,
– which she had NEVER mentioned –
and there was a 1% chance there would be a problem.
then she hung up.
ishaq attempted to call her back several times,
but after she found out who it was
she would hang up.
was she offended?
was the low amniotic fluid a scare tactic
or was she just following hospital protocols?
i didn’t even feel like i’d want to come to her anymore.
for anything.