“teach your own”: living with children

living with children

author recommends: The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. see: continuum-concept.org

“…there is a tendency toward kindness present in children to which they respond…The chances that good behavior, character, and morals will take roon in an atmosphere of kindness are much better than if we assume the wors in children and onlyuse kindness as a reward for good behavior, rather than the norm for our relationships.” p. 85

“…’No’ does not have to be just a signal, and explosion of angry noise. It can be a word, conveying an idea.” p. 86
[ spend just one day actively recognizing how many times and how you say the word “No”. you will be surprised and disgusted.]

“Except when overcome by fatigue, or curiosity, or excitement, or passion, [children] want to do right, do as we do, fit in, take part.” p. 87

“The trouble with this ‘Okay?’ is that it suggests to the children that we are giving them a choice when we really are not. Whatever people may think about how many choices we should give children, children should at least be able to know at any moment wheter they have a choice or not.” p. 91

tantrums:
“Even the kindest and most loving families two-year-olds must be reminded a hundred times a day, perhaps by the words and actions of their parents, perhaps by events, by Nature herself, that they are small, weak, clumsy, foolish, ignorant, untrustworthy, troublesome, destructive, dirty, smelly, even disgusting. They don’t like it! Neither would I. Neither would you.” p. 93

so how can we avoid tantrums: “treat them like big people”, i.e. respectfully.

learning in the world

controlling one’s time, in a letters to the author:
“I am beginning to think that the greatest harm is not in the “what” or the “how” of this structuring, but in the very fact that five days out of seven, nine months out of twelve, six hours out of the center of these days, we remove from children the responsibility for their time…
      “When I am trying to “stimulate their interest” in something, the very artificiality of the endeavor (and rudeness, really — I have no business even trying) builds a barrier between us. But when I am sharing soemthing I really love with them because I also really love them, all barriers are down, and we are communicating intimately. When they also love what I love…the joy is exquisite; we share a truth.
      “And so I do my work each day, work which is full of meaning for me, and offer to teach it to them…Sometimes they are interested, sometimes not. But if I were to try to “stimulate” them, sugar-coating various tasks, making games of various skills, preaching, teaching me to them, they would not have the time — great, empty spaces of time — in which to search deep within themselves for what is most true about them.
      “And neither, then, would I.” p. 108-110

letter to author mentions Calvert curriculum

in a letter to author:
“The idea I hate most about public schools is that they should have my children all day when I feed, clothe, doctor, transport, and care most for them, and I am denied those hours with them and the sharing of their learning experiences. I cannot reinforce their education if I am denied the subject matter they are exposed to and am only left with tired grumps who eat, do homework, and flop to bed.” p. 112

speaking multiple languages
“[Ivan] Illich goes on to point out that all over the world many poor people in nonindustrial countries speak more than one language…and on the whole it is only in nation-states that have had several generations of compulsory schooling that we find most people speaking only one language. For in these supposedly advance nations, people no longer learn their languages from people who talk to them, meaning what they say, in a context of everyday life, but from professional speakers who are trained and paid to say what other have prepared for them.” p. 116

living and working spaces

“Virtually all his [Bill Mclwain] plan, large or small, have these common ingredients: they provide young people with paying jobs that are educational, socially useful, and fun; they operate on a small scale, need little capital, and use readily available resources, preferably neglected one; and they pring a variety of people together to solve common problems in an enjoyable context.” p. 125

serious play

“…we should be content to watch and enjoy as much of children’s fantasy lives as they will let us see, and to take part in them, if the children ask us to and if we can do so happily and unselfconsciously. Otherwise, we should leave them alone. Children’s fantasy is useful and important to them for many reasons, but above all because it is theirs, the one part of their lives which is wholly under their control. We must resist the temptation to make it ours.” p. 129

“…take a shot at making up stories for your children…” p. 134