raisin’ children is hard work

every now and then
i get all cised
and think i’m doing something
when i manage to take care of errands and etc.
with both of the girls in tow

i’ve come a long way
from being scared for ishaq to leave the house
leaving me alone with — oh my gosh — TWO children

but i had a moment
or two
yesterday when i just got
kinda frustrated and tired

i really wanted some family around
so i could get a break

my friends help some,
but i want to keep them my friends, y’know

how do single parents do it?!?

trying to live up to other people’s standards/expectations
and trying to do it all alone
is not going to keep me sane

sometimes the dishes aren’t going to get washed before bed
or for a few days
sometimes the children won’t get washed before bed
or for a few days
sometimes breakfast, lunch and dinner will be leftovers

at the same time
i need to make a few changes so i can get the time i need for myself
changes like better time management and scheduling for myself and the girls

me-time is like a mini-caribbean vacation

sidebar:
speaking of such
i need to figure out what i wanna do for my 30th birthday
so i can start convincing my husband
i want to do something solo
but don’t have anything concrete in mind yet
hmm…

i was thinking the other day
what interests of mine will/should be put on hold
because i choose to raise my kids?
if it is the case that i have to put some of my interests on hold,
for how long?
will i come back to them at a later date
or do them on a smaller scale today
or, with regret, forever put them aside?

raisin’ children requires sacrifice

how much?

the imam at ivy city was talking about motherhood in this jumuah just passed
he had been talking to a scholar about world civilizations throughout history
and asked the scholar if there was an common indicator of
when a civilization would begin its decline

there was:
when mothers stop raising their children
and leave their homes to work

i really do love my job as a domestic engineer
there is no job i would rather do
i’ve gone to college
i’ve work for government and non-profit
i’ve got a master’s degree
9-to-5-in it does not interest me at all

but i do have some interests i’d like to delve into:
architecture
graphic design
wood working
montessori education
travel

inshAllah, Allah will reward in the hereafter
because of my efforts to educate my girls
in their deen and the best of this dunya
and He will reward me in this world
with what i couldn’t have even fathomed would come to me

ameen